Getting Reacquainted with Life
Look, I’ll admit it – I’m a terrible blogger. I go in all guns blazing and then life happens and I forget about it for the best part of a year. There are mixed reasons for this – so let’s just start at the start!
I ended 2024 feeling pretty on top of the world – things were starting to feel like they were balancing out and I was in a good place in most aspects of my life. Then a series of things went wrong. I lost one of my freelance roles in the first week of January, had to take my dog to the vet multiple times in the second week, ended up in an incredibly dark place for the first four months of the year and it is only now that the sun is shining that I feel like I am coming back to myself again.
Where did I go?
One of the things that fell away when life went topsy-turvy has been my Make Life Feel Better Tiktok account. The truth is that I’m scared to open it at the moment. The constant criticism from strangers was just too much; when you’re already circling the drain, opening your phone to lots of people telling you that you’re disgusting and should just off yourself isn’t exactly conducive to healing. Not just that, but I stayed stagnant at my 100lb loss for 6 months and then my mental health caused a huge relapse in which I gained 20lbs. The thought of going back to that profile after that felt terrifying. I’ve had two years of people overanalysing what I ate and telling me I was doing it wrong – it was easy not to let it get to you when you could reply “I’ve lost 100lbs doing this, I think I’m doing okay without your help” but when you’ve started to creep back up you lose some of the safety you feel in that defence, and start to wonder if perhaps they are right. (For the record, they aren’t – you don’t have to live on salad if you choose to lose weight, no matter what people tell you!). The weight itself hasn’t been what bothered me most; it has been the loss of mobility I have faced again. I’ve felt myself slipping back to square one and it is terrifying. But I am slowly but surely making steps (ha!) to improving that mobility again, and feel confident I can get myself through this. And ‘make life feel better’ once again, if you will!
What next?
It hasn’t all been bad. I released my first colouring book in March and I feel more in tune with my shop than ever right now. I’ve been doing studio vlogs – there was a slight dip in the middle but I’ve picked the camera back up again – and I actually really love documenting my journey with my small business. My word of the year for 2025 is Adventure, and I’ve got a big one planned for July: we are going to Germany! I’m not going to lie, I’m having anxiety nightmares about all of the things that could go wrong most nights, but I’m really hopeful that once I get there I can lean in to it and make some memories. I made a 2025 vision board that I set as my desktop background, so I am reminded of my goals, plans and dreams every single day, and its helping me stay focussed on finding the joy.
We’ve got lots going on all Summer, with Rymermade being in a local craft fair, a couple of game nights planned, my husband turning 50, the local gala parade, a drag show, a trip to Germany, hopefully popping in to meet my new bestie-niece on the way home, my small business being featured in a local shop for 2 weeks, our 10 year wedding anniversary and my 35th birthday all happening from May to September this year. So while anxiety is weighing heavily in the back of my mind, I really am trying to do lots of things and keep ‘ADVENTURE’ right in the forefront of everything I do. I worked so hard to get my mobility back, I don’t want to ever go back to missing out on everything again.
Finding Joy in Life Again
I’ll end with a fashion moment, since Georgina says there aren’t enough plus size fashion bloggers anymore! I wore this dress to a Chappell Roan listening party that was hosted by a local Pride organisation. We went to a gin distillery and drank lovely cocktails, sang and danced our hearts out to Chappell Roan songs, and I also caught up with lots of people I hadn’t seen in about 20 years – I felt so old! The dress is from My Poor Purse and I got it about 3 or 4 years ago – she’s a one-man-band who promises made to order slow fashion pieces, and I think her clothes are absolutely gorgeous. When my purse is feeling less upset with me I’m definitely intending to add more of her pieces to my collection because they are just so beautiful and it always feels good knowing your clothes were made with love.
So there’s my little life update! Hopefully I will be back more regularly – I’ll certainly have plenty to talk about! – and bring you all a little bit more joy than I have been doing recently! I haven’t even shared my decorated living room yet!!
